All aglow

I'VE JUST been asked if I'd been away. I was tempted to say that I'd jetted off to Barcelona for the day on a friend's private jet but couldn't bring myself to do it.

The truth is that I spent yesterday's lunch break in a solarium. With a Friday night out planned, I made mental images of being transformed into a golden goddess for the event so I hoofed it up the High Street and invested in six minutes' worth of rays.

Standing there, in a Tardis-like cocoon, I was warmed up all nice and cosy and for a minute thought I was in foreign quarters with the heat beating down on me. Within a flash, my time was up and with a distinct 'clunk' I was plunged into darkness sporting just a pair of dark goggles and a small item of underwear.

A quick check in the mirror showed disappointing results. It hadn't done a thing so I told the girl on the desk that I'd be back "for another go at it tomorrow". Back at the office, I had work to be getting on with but while I was getting on with it, I was subconsciously changing shade like a Madagascan chameleon.

The backs of my knees started to itch and my belt seemed to dig in more than it did four hours previous. The results of a quick glance under my clothes shocked me for I had turned into the Ready Brek kid. Colleagues looked horrified as I revealed white bits to them (whether they wanted to see them or not!) and some even asked if they could fry bacon on me.

Overnight, the severity of the redness has subsided but I won't be re-visiting the sun-shop today.

Everyone feels better with a tan, eh? Hmmmmm .....