Behind the scenes

JUST over a month in at job number whatever, I'm getting to grips with what goes on behind the scenes at a tourist attraction.

Being open from 7.30am until 10pm every day of the year except Christmas Day, there's a whole load of human traffic that floats in and out of Peninsula Hot Springs.
I've seen singers, actresses and TV presenters soak up the sulphur while they take a dip in the geo-thermal natural mineral waters with a production crew and big grey fluffy microphone for company.

The thing is I wouldn't know a famous singer, actress or TV presenter from Adam ... unless they were Kylie Minogue, Dame Edna or one of the Wiggles.
I'm still very unfamiliar with Australian celebs from the news desks and game shows of the regular television channels and continue to treat all our visitors with the same meet and greet regime I've adopted. They all get a smile and a bit of banter from me, regardless of their background and celebrity status.

Due in soon is a team of AFL footie players who have booked out one whole section for the day. Friends have armed me with autograph books to take in on that shift but I doubt I'll get to rub shoulders with any of them. Every therapist we have is on standby too, as they're all booked in for massages, but I really don't think it's good office practice to be hovering with a pen and a pad while they lie starkers, face down, getting rubbed down by my colleagues.

As with all places in the public eye, there are unfortunate mishaps. We advise all our guests to keep hydrated and make sure they come out of the naturally heated 37-42C water at 15 minute intervals. Some take heed. Some don't.
Only last weekend, a guest spent more time than he should have in one of the pools and fainted as he climbed out, resulting in knocking himself out on a nearby rock and a subsequent ride in an ambulance.

Another unfortunate incident on one of my shifts was a guest who got himself locked in a changing room for 40 minutes. The hotsprings-hostage was eventually released after staff took the door off the hinges and got him out.
Although a little weary, the disgruntled guest still had the energy to try and negotiate a top of the range therapy package for a return trip. If the experience was as unpleasant as he was making out, surely a return visit would be the last thing on his wishlist...?

My Pommie accent is regularly picked up on and during each shift, I would say about half of the guests ask me where about in England I'm from. They appear shocked when I say I'm Welsh - but that's probably down the the strange accent I now have.

Predominantly Pommie with a good strong Scouse twang, this is interpersed with a bit of Southern Hemisphere slang and tone. I was asked the other day to do a Cockney accent, but failed dismally as it came out all Aussie.

I have evolved into an internationally dialected mongrel ... no wonder no-one can work out where I'm from!