Pointing the finger

HMMM.... The outcome is not quite what I expected, but I've just been fitted out with ten shiny new fingernails.

Nail bars over here, as in UK, are big business and fed up of my current type of DIY falsies flinging themselves off all over the place, I thought it time to invest in a proper set.

The final nail (excuse the pun) in the coffin for me was when I was at work serving a customer looking for a pair of boots. There were boxes and boots and bits of cardboard and packaging all over the place and it was only after I'd taken her money that I noticed I was an 'end-digit' missing.

A quick scan or two up and down the shopfloor came up with zilch so it either had to be lying dormant among the shoe racks somewhere or inside one of the boots I'd just sold. And I was mortified at the thought of the possibility of it nestling among the now bagged-up knee length leather, making this their final resting place. But then, at least their new owners would get a free toe tickling session compliments of the new girl at JackRiver.com. Wouldn't get that service from any other shoe shop.

So, within half an hour, my extremities have been buffed, drilled, glued, painted and now look something like a court jester's shoes. Not sure I like the "curled-up-at-the-end" look but until they grow a bit, I'm stuck with them - literally.

This nail bar was like nothing else I've seen. A Thai couple, between them, had three nail customers and a massage client in the corner on the go concurrently. For the time I was there, they spun the plates getting us all done in record time. Watching the little guy dart around the place was an eye-opener and reminded me of a stresshead contestant in the Generation Game. All we needed was Brucey to walk in for a pedicure and that would be it.

Faster than a speeding bullet, he buffed my real nail within an inch of its life with an electrical gadget and stuck on the whitest of white plastic nail tips... whether I wanted them or not. No questions asked, he trimmed them all down to the length he wanted and then grappled with some acrylic and what seemed to resemble a wallpaper pasting brush to form a covering over the nail tip.

I have confidence that these slipshod and more than rushed rhino's toenails' won't be twanging themselves anywhere for quite a while but looking at them, I can't think of anything I'd like more. If nothing else, it should give me the incentive to grow my own and regain control over my own pinkies.